August 2025

Finding Confidence in Conflict

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Kwame Christian

A lot of my clients come to see me because they are derailed by some conflict in their life – this could be an internal or external conflict.  And it is true that conflict in life is like death and taxes – it is inescapable.  But destructive conflict is not inevitable if you can see that conflict as a place of possibility. Conflict arises when someone or something is pressing up against your boundaries – and it usually signals that you’re dealing with something that is important to yourself or someone else. If it wasn’t important, one wouldn’t bother getting upset about it.  So it’s a signal that there is useful and valuable information to be learned in the situation.

I love Kwame Christian’s idea of using “compassionate curiosity” as a technique to mine conflict for insight and connection. Compassionate curiosity is really about showing up to tough conversations with both kindness and a genuine desire to understand. Instead of jumping in to defend ourselves or prove a point (listening to respond), it’s about slowing down, asking thoughtful questions, and really listening to where the other person is coming from (listening to understand). When we mix empathy with curiosity, we take the heat out of conflict and create space for real connection. It’s not about winning the argument—it’s about finding common ground and moving forward together.

“The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations”